Velvet Smooth

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Price: $49.95   

Velvet Smooth Review

Some will tell you this is a bad movie. heck, almost everybody will. And it IS a bad movie, but there are different flavours of bad.

I like movies about chicks fighting. (What can I say? Love me them strong female role models.) There are lots and lots of fights in here, and lots of guys getting beat up by Velvet Smooth (played by Johnnie Hill) and her partners in detective work.

What really ruins this movie is the DVD. The picture transfer is the worst I have ever seen. Lots of material seems to be missing; the movie begins and ends abruptly, with hardly any lead-in or fade-out; I could almost swear that they did not get to the end of the flick, just stopped when they ran out of the $1 they were budgeted.

The subtitles don't work. If you are the hearing-impaired (I certainly am), you need the subtitles if you are to have any chance of spotting a plotline. The thing says it has subtitles, but when you turn them on, no text appears (not even white text on a mostly white background -- I hate it when people do that, but we don't even get that much).

No extras in this one (what would they do for a making-of featurette? Show Johnnie Hill being worked on by her acting coach?). Hopefully, there will be no Special Edition or Director's Cut of this movie.

But, at least I got to see some chicks in fight scenes. Since I couldn't follow the plot and read what people were saying, instead I tried counting how many times they hit a guy in the groin. I spotted forty-six (no lie!). Is that sick and hilarious or is that just a bad movie?

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